From the Man

February 7th, 2010

Due Date: August 4, 2010
Total weight gain/loss: I think 15 or 20 lbs gained
Maternity clothes? I got my favorite jeans dirty last week trying to sort out the weedwhacker. Got oil on ’em. They’re ruined. I mean, there’s motorcycle dirty, and then there’s homeless dirty.
Sleep: This bed has made me dream more. It’s kind of cool. But as a person that does not dream often, it’s a change in my life, and as such, disconcerting.
Best moment this week: taking a tranquil mint bath. Yes, I am gay.
Movement: I made movements with my motorcycle to avoid potholes and what I like to call “nut crunch.”
Food cravings: Water.
Food aversions: Vegetables. Nutrients.
Gender: Thoraxian Gullcrusher
Labor Signs: My back hurts from the manuel labor I performed today while pressure cleaning the driveway and sidewalk. Big shout out to Karl.
Belly Button in or out? In, for sure. Don’t stick your finger in there, either. My belly button is a chinese finger trap.
What I miss: Dunking.
What I am looking forward to: Winning the lottery. I mean, the birth of our miracle. After I win the lottery.
Milestones: Um… not sure… my girlfriend is raging internally with hormones and she hasn’t killed me yet?
Other: tonight is the final night time space launch. I kinda wish I had a lil kid to wake up at 4 30 in the morning to drag outside so he/she could say, why are you doing this to me? And I could say, because this is history. And he/she could say, I don’t care. And I could say, I know.